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I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
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