Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
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Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
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That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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