69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
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Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
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how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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