My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
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He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
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All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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