let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
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A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
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Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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