I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize