:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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