I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
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I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
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Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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