can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
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The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
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Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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