Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize