Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
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This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
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I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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