it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
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He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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