YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
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I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
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I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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