Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
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I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
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Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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