she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
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WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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