No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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