i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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