I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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