okay pat passed out under dana's car
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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