coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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