could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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