Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize