here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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