i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
They left me at home... I'm a liability
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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