I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
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REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
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