I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize