You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
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I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
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I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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