but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
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My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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