If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
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This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
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So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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