Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
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But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
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I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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