I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
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SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
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That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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