life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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