I feel like abortions should bother me more
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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