oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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