I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We left the knife in your bed.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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