There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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