think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
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I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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