he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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