I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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