theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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