nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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