Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
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My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
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My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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