Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
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Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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