i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Never joke about your clitoris.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize