why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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