I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
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I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
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Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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