Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize