White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Dicks are not precious.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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