a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
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I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
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Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
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