The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
They took my balls.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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